Heaven on earth-- via blog, of course.

I LOVE METRIC, YAH YAH YAH

Go easy… First song I’ve attempted to play on the guitar, and I mess up like a dork. Watch it! C:

Mayonnaise.

Give me a word that rolls off your tongue.

Love.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: is this a secure connection ?!
Stranger: they're looking for me.
Stranger: the F B I
You: We've got you now!
Stranger: FUCK
You: Fell right into our honeytrap
You: Now confess
You: The building is surrounded
Stranger: no way
Stranger: i know matrix tricks
You: We're the government
Stranger: i'm hacking into ur system right now
You: We have better technology than you can even dream of
You: Just give up now and you won't be killed
Stranger: if i give up
Stranger: what will happen to me
You: We'll just have a little chat. That's all...
You: We just want to talk to you alone
Stranger: that sounds reasonable
You: If you tell us about the others, then we may even let you go
Stranger: HEY WAIT A MINUTE
Stranger: YOU'RE BULLSHITTING ME
Stranger: FUCK
You: Why would I lie?
You: We have the upper hand here.
Stranger: BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT LIES ABOUT EVERYTHING
You: We have nothing to lose.
You: You have everything to lose.
Stranger: I KNOW ABOUT THE ALIENS
Stranger: AREA 51
Stranger: THATS WHY YOU WANT ME ISNT IT?
Stranger: hey listen now
You: That information is sensitive..
Stranger: let's make a deal
You: It wouldn't be good for the general public if they found out.
You: People would panic
Stranger: if i get to see real aliens i'll keep my mouth shut
You: The United States government does not negotiate with terrorists. Officially...
You: But
You: You should know that we don't have any living specimens
Stranger: yes you do
Stranger: you are working with them
You: The corpses are all we recovered from the crash
Stranger: you're lying
You: Thats not true.
Stranger: i saw them
You: I don't know what you think you saw, but the aliens are dead.
Stranger: ha!
You: All rumours of humans and aliens breeding are untrue.
Stranger: listen to me now dude
Stranger: i can be a test subject..
You: We have reverse-engineered alien biotechnology
You: If you would be prepared to be a test subject then we will drop all charges against you.
You: But I must warn you
You: The procedure has never been attempted before
You: There is a chance of... complications
Stranger: what kind of complications?
You: We don't know exactly, but our scientists believe that once the alien DNA has been implanted, you may lose all of your human memories and feelings.
You: You would never be able to go back to your old life.
Stranger: that's a risk i'm willing to take
Stranger: look at my life now..
Stranger: i'm chased by the government
Stranger: i'm lost all my loved ones..
Stranger: i've
Stranger: my life...
You: You have made a wise choice.
Stranger: it's not even a fucking life..
Stranger: i accept the terms.
You: Now, if the DNA fusion is successful, we will be sending you on a mission to infiltrate the alien society.
Stranger: i need more details
You: We learned a lot about them from the crashed spacecraft that we discovered, and we managed to locate their home planet. But we still don't know what their intentions are towards us.
Stranger: you want me to spy on them?
You: The spacecraft did contain some weaponary, but we don't know whether they were just trying to find out more information about Earth, or whether they are planning to invade.
You: Yes. You will be undercover on the alien homeworld.
Stranger: sounds extremely dangerous..
Stranger: but..
Stranger: ..i'll do it
Stranger: whatever it takes for the mankind to survive
You: The aliens have a hive mind. They can communicate telepathically with each other, and they share thoughts and feelings between them. This should make it easy to discover their intentions.
You: But, this is also why we must remove all trace of humanity from you. As they can peer into your mind, if you have any human attachments remaining then they will discover you.
Stranger: that would be devastating..
Stranger: how soon can we arrange a meeting?
You: One of the machines that we recovered from the crashed spacecraft will allow us to download your human memories and personality for storage on a supercomputer.
You: If the mission is successful and you are able to return home, then we may be able to return your memories to you.
Stranger: i understand.
You: One of our agents will be in contact with you in the next 48 hours.
Stranger: i will be ready
Stranger: ..hey
Stranger: ..thanks
You: No. Thank you.
Stranger: ...it's an honor
You: And... good luck.
You: You're going to need it.
Stranger: indeed...

I am tired.

I think I might be tired… Since I have bags under my eyes, and I’ve been yawning erratically for the past half hour or so. And my eyes are red. And my breath smells like dragon barf. (That was a Jimmy Fallon reference).

OMGJIMMYFALLONISSOBEAUTIFUL ):

If you don’t watch his show, don’t talk to me.

‘Night. « And that’s only directed toward people who keep up with Mr. Fallon. That’s right. Rejected.

My hands smell lovely.

I’m typing this right now because I don’t want to put forth energy to define and memorize Spanish words. In shorter terms, I’m lazy.

I have a hand fetish. I promise you, I do. Hypothetically speaking, if the world was set to end in two days, and I wanted to get married before I died, I would pick four random guys off the street and see which one had the smoothest and most well taken care of hands. Then I would hold him at gunpoint and force him to propose, but that’s not the important part of the story.

Hands are lovely. I like how they feel if they’re toned and muscular. And especially if they smell like ginger and lemon. (That’s my handsoap). A man should keep his nails trimmed. I find guys with long nails to be really unattractive. Something’s definitely wrong with me.

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

It’s that song I can never get out of my head. But I like it there. So I’ll keep it there.